Should I apply to my best friend’s dream college?

Written by Irene C. & Edward K.

“I’m currently a junior. Two of my good friends, who are seniors, have fallen out over their ED applications. One of them felt betrayed because they had dreamt of attending a particular college since they were in 1st grade, so when my other friend switched their ED to that school at the last minute, the first friend felt like she was taking their spot. I'm concerned about this happening with me and my junior friends next year. What’s the best way to approach this potential problem? Is it ethical for me to apply to the same college as my friend even when it’s been their dream college for years?”

As a senior in high school currently navigating through the complexities of the college admissions process, I understand your concern regarding you and your friends trying to apply to the same university. It reflects your conscious approach to friendship and ethical decision-making. Now, let’s say that you and one of your friends find yourself in the exact same scenario and that you are the one changing your school at the last minute. You might wonder if it’s fair for you to apply to your friend’s dream school.

Deciding on whether or not you deem your decision ethical depends on the specific lens with which you look at the problem. It is important to understand and weigh the impact that the decision can have on you and your friend. 

Looking at this dilemma from the justice lens, it is clear that fairness is a key consideration. Your friend’s aspiration, although it may be longer-held in comparison to yours, does not override your right as a senior to apply to whatever university of your choice. 

However, the care-ethics lens, which focuses on your relationship with your friend, tells a different story. Since your friend is so emotionally attached to this school, it is very natural for them to feel a sense of competition and start acting distanced. For you, that sense of being compared every time can be an additional stress to the already stressful college application process. 

In our opinion, facilitating communication between you and your friend in a respectful and understanding manner would be your wisest course of action. Communicating the decision to your friend, regardless of what you choose to do, would demonstrate a level of transparency within the friendship that has the potential to solve any worries you might have. 

While we want to make it clear that applying to your friend’s dream college is not ethically wrong, it doesn't mean that your friend’s emotions might not get hurt, especially if it’s her ED. It is very hard for us to decide for you whether or not your decision is right, but we hope that these different viewpoints, along with our suggestion in terms of your course of action, can help resolve your ethical quandary!