Jay’s Response
Listen to this life-changing speech!
Transcript:
I distinctly remember a visit back to Hong Kong when I was 7. It was Christmas time – a time when my family held its annual gathering. I’d get to see all my relatives: aunts and uncles, great-grandparents, second cousins once removed – you get the idea. Usually, there’s a family dinner on Christmas night at a local seafood restaurant that marks the highlight of the trip, and we’d get all the Chinese classics. We’d have lobster two ways, fried crab, and of course, steamed fish. But not this time. I remember something else much more distinctly.
To do that, let’s rewind a bit. Let me take you back two days before the Christmas dinner. I was gift shopping with my mom in Central, the postcard destination of Hong Kong. The big, bustling streets illuminated by billboards of models and actors, streets dominated by everything designer. It was PACKED. People were out and about, shouting, shoving each other. And in all that chaos, you could get lost in any of the little alleyways. Take one wrong turn and it sets you back another 5 or even 10 minutes of walking.
As I was walking into the shopping complex with my mom, I heard a loud and prolonged fit of coughing around the corner. As I turned, I noticed a man, probably in his early 50s or so, huddled on the ground in a fetal position around 20 meters away from me. As quickly as I turned, I realized that he was actually coughing up a foamy substance, and his coughing fit soon turned into a full blown spasm. My mom had noticed as well. I looked back at her, but it seemed like she was frozen in place. Well, everybody was. For a good ten seconds or so, it seemed like no one had any clue what to do. As soon as their trance fell, my mom quickly grabbed my hand, and ushered me into the mall, acting like nothing had happened. The other bystanders did the same, walking around the man as if some invisible barrier had formed, ignoring his now barely moving body.
To this day, I still never found out what happened to the man. We never talked about it. But, I did wonder what happened, especially as I grew older. I began to question my actions, and questioned whether I was a bad person for watching and not doing anything.
I recently found out that a fundamental part of human nature is our tendency to conform – whether in smaller groups or to society as a whole. We succumb to this natural flow all the time. It’s easier to follow the current than to go against it. We’ve all been victim to our nature – I’m sure we can all recall a time when we’ve experienced cognitive dissonance, a time when our actions have gone against our beliefs, all for the sake of fitting in or conforming to a group. We often accept the bystander effect and other social psychological phenomena although we can avoid them, all because that’s how we’re wired. Does that mean that by following our nature, we are inherently bad?
An answer one can look towards is the Dalai Lama’s. He asserts that humans are kind and benevolent at heart. Violence, anger, and hatred are all signs that one is moving off their natural path. But, there seems to be some conflict here. Doesn’t our nature compel us to not act good? Does he mean that we shouldn't follow our innate nature?
To respond to that question, I say: regardless of whether or not you believe humans are inherently good, we need to be aware of our inherent nature that drives us to act the way we do in order to act good. The reason we’re wired to be less willing to help others when there are other bystanders, if the person affected is clearly in danger. The reason why, in big groups, we tend to prioritize a group consensus at the expense of critical thinking and questioning, a phenomenon known as groupthink.
However, our nature does not always drive us to act impulsively, or irrationally. Thinking as a group is not always dangerous. At times, we may find ourselves reaching compromise or realizing new lessons as a result of working together and sharing ideas. But, more often than not, our preexisting beliefs are consolidated, separated into a divide of yes or no, right or wrong. We can all agree that our way of thinking in groups has led to the world that we live in today – if you agree with one side, it means you disagree with another. All across political and social spectrums is this cut-out divide. The violence, anger, hatred that the Dalai Lama claims is a deviation of our human nature is actually a result of our human nature.
Our age represents the death of moderates – of the people and opinions that are able to exist without association. It is the death of nuance, our slight differences and variations. This is partially why the class was created – to explore nuance and to express our voice – one that I believe has not yet succumbed to our natural way of conforming. Allow yourself to conform and associate at times, but also give yourself the freedom to debate and explore.
I think it’s also important to realize how change happens most in times where a person or a group decides to go against the wave. Changing the status quo requires individual and collective effort, but most importantly, it requires the courage to take the starting step of nonconformity. The fight for women's suffrage, the fight for civil rights, the fight for gay marriage – these all follow a notion of defiance.
As mentioned in the Art of Self Improvement, Schaffner defines self improvement as “our – however flawed – effort to exert control over our lives''… and that “our belief in the improvability of the self can therefore be seen as a powerful proclamation of defiance.” However big or small, our efforts of improving and changing often include an effort of going against the norm, against conformity, against our innate nature. Reflecting back to the time when I was 7, I realize now that maybe I could’ve done something to go against my nature, and to urge my mom or even other bystanders to help the man. What difference would it have made? I’m not sure. But was there anything to lose? How would I feel after?
These are all questions that we may ask ourselves when we struggle between our conscience and our actions, and whether we decide to defy ourselves. But, to follow in the Dalai Lama’s words, I believe that each and every one of us is capable of doing and being good, but we have to be aware of the nature that often holds us back. Enable Yourselves. Be proactive. Seek change. In this increasingly divided world, I urge you all to explore the moderates, the nuances, the spaces in between.
Thank You.
