Jayesha’s Response

Listen to this life-changing speech!

Transcript:

I hate when things don’t go my way. 

As childish as this statement sounds, it’s very true. I need a plan, a 12-step program; I need control over the things in my life to feel like I’ve got it all together. And as soon as my plan fails, I, like many of us here, freak out. Whether it be fixating on a grade we get on a test or which college we get into—a twist is inevitably thrown into the mix—and we see a fat B in PowerSchool, or, for the seniors in the room, a “we regret to inform you” message. This is when people, some to a much more intense degree than others, freak out. 

The day I realized I had an actual problem was the day I decided to prank my dad. My dad, for context, is a chronic prankster. And, on this day, I was going to get him back. 

After being thoroughly embarrassed by a prank he played earlier, I asked my older brother if we could get my dad back. We planned to hide his phone. Harmless but effective. As soon as my dad walked away leaving his precious phone unprotected on the table, I grabbed it and hid it under a shirt in my suitcase. I was convinced that this would be his downfall. Fast forward an hour, everyone’s in a frenzy looking for the phone, and I can’t help but smile. Everything was going to plan. I slipped away to make sure it was still there. I opened my suitcase, shuffled through my things, lifted that shirt, and it was gone. 

This is when I freak out. Everything was NOT going to plan. I ran back outside, and to my absolute shock, I heard “Oh! It was in my jacket pocket all along.” What? I played along but was internally in turmoil. After crying in frustration about it in my room for longer than I’d like to admit, I approached my dad afterward, only to find out my stupid brother had betrayed me. I learned two things that day, 1) never trust anyone ever, and 2) I need to deal with twists better.

Other than parental humiliation, not being open to twists can have extreme and adverse mental health effects. In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Victor Frankl tells the story of a man imprisoned in a concentration camp during the holocaust, convinced that the war would end on March 31st. The 31st, he believed, would see the destruction of the concentration camp as allies entered through the gates. The 31st would mean he would see his family again. The 31st would mean the end of the war. When the 31st finally came and the war continued, the man began to decline mentally and physically, eventually succumbing to “typhus.” Frankl notes that it wasn’t typhus that killed him, but a shattered dream. 

Now this example is heavy—none of us are experiencing twists so grave. But, we can still use these experiences to learn something about our own lives. This instance demonstrates that when we convince and plan for something to happen, and the situation has a twist that we are unprepared for, it can take a detrimental toll. 

Life never goes according to plan—there’s always a twist. We’ve all heard that before. But, the real question then becomes: what should we do when there’s a twist in our lives? 

I’m not going to tell you something cliche, that we should just embrace twists with a smile. Because let’s be real…that’s so fake. I’m suggesting something a little different. If a twist comes your way and changes your original plan, just act like that's what you wanted all along. I know it sounds weird, but hear me out.  

When we resist the twists, we stress. We find a way to erase the change and get back to our original plan. It's like trying to swim against a current that's determined to take you in a different direction. It's exhausting, and more often than not, we find ourselves drowning in frustration. So, what if, instead of drowning in the puddle made crying about the missing phone and the horrible obscene betrayal, we shrugged it off and acted like it was meant to be? 

When we act as if the twists were part of our plans, not only do we continue to maintain and feel as if we are still in control—something we yearn for—but we also find creative solutions to incorporate the twist naturally into a new plan. No matter the internal panic, simply act as if you planned it exactly like it is. Essentially: fake it till you make it. 

It’s something that people warn us NOT to do; it sounds delusional because that’s exactly what it’s meant to be. Self-delusion. Convincing ourselves that a twist is part of our plan is quite delusional, but that’s exactly what makes it so effective. 

In The Art of Self Improvement, author Anna Schaffer introduces this very idea under Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT for short, is a proponent of the idea that our thoughts—what we think—influence our behavior—and how we act. The term “Behavioural Activation” is a practice derivative of CBT, where people practice certain actions to influence their behavior. 

So, even if your plan is off the rails, if you act like it isn’t, and delude yourself, your ability to come up with solutions and embrace the twists would be better off. In fact, according to a study done in Cambridge University Press, using these tactics has proven to show better methods of coping with stress and anxiety, even going so far as to provide more creative and effective solutions for issues that come our way. 

Think about a twist in your life that changed a plan of yours. Think of the twist, and think of the original plan. How could you have deluded yourself into making it part of your plan? How could you force it in? Thinking of some solutions, right? Exactly. 

So self-delusion is the answer to our twists? Yes and no. Delusion can only take us so far. Schaffer discusses this caveat by addressing that increasingly heavy reliance on thought without action leads to worse outcomes. If you try and ‘delude’ yourself into earning a million dollars without getting out of bed… it doesn’t work. Or, into thinking that leaving summative portfolios to the last second will allow you to lock in and create a beautiful piece of writing, as you’re procrastinating on your bed watching netflix…it still doesn’t work. 

Instead, when a twist comes to you, especially when pranking your dad, you need to delude yourself to the extent that you allow yourself to actively form creative solutions and maintain control over the situation. Not to the extent that you delude yourself into not taking action or finding a way to incorporate the twist. 

This exact self-delusion is what allowed me to eventually get my dad back. After learning the cold, cold, sting of betrayal, I went solo for this one. I decided to take it up a notch and place a cup of water on the door so it would fall on top of him. I placed the cup on the door and then casually sat on my desk. I called my dad into my room. Unfortunately, in Hindi, dad (papa) and grandpa (dada) sound awfully similar through closed doors. 

So my poor grandpa walks in and gets drenched by the water, accompanied by an embarrassing bonk from the cup hitting his head. My dad followed closely behind, howling in laughter because he knew the cup was meant for him, and that I was going to get screamed at for the next two hours by my very strict grandfather. 

I started spiraling: and the water fell on my grandfather. The water fell on my grandfather. The water fell on my grandfather. Cue self-delusion—this was exactly what I planned. And that got me thinking. Now my dad thinks that the prank failed, that it was over. So, if I placed another cup in his room, he wouldn’t expect it at all. So that’s exactly what I did. And 10 minutes later I heard the sweet sound of cursing coming from my parent's room, followed by a vindicating bonk on the head. 

There was a twist, I deluded myself, and it all worked out. So now, when you eventually run into a twist in your life think not about how the twist changed your plan, but how the twist was part of your plan all along. 
So yes, I hate when things don’t go my way; but, after all, when looking at it like this, things always go my way. If you know what I mean.