Running
There is something weirdly paradoxical about running. By nature, running demands your physical exertion, yet it somehow leaves you more energized by the end of it. The start of the run is the worst. When you take your first step, the first time you feel your knee buckle and your leg shake as the pain surges. You want to quit right there. It starts off feeling like a boring chore. You think to yourself what am I doing here? Why am I putting myself through this when I could be sitting at home? After over 6 years of running, I am yet to eliminate that mental barrier from this process. Every single time I just think to myself “oh shit, here we go again”. As the k’s start plugging away though, a rhythm starts to emerge.
Your steps become steady, just cycling between each motion as your breath and vision begin to narrow. Once you’ve settled into that rhythm, everything becomes easier. Your tormented and tired body magically feels brand new. The more you run the more alive you feel, your senses become more alert and attuned to the world around you. As the endorphins rush to your brain, you feel like you are transcending states, the world around you is changing into a much more colorful picture.
Delight is a complicated emotion. Not only do people interpret and feel delight in different ways, but more importantly the pursuit of delight also doesn’t follow a singular definition. I personally believe that delight isn’t something that just happens. You have to chase delight, consciously understand it and its effects so that you can continue experiencing it. I don’t say that to make delight seem like something easily understood and therefore attained; rather, I mean to point out that delight, to me, is not easily found. It isn’t something you can just create and pick out of a box, it is hidden behind a thick and prickly bush making it a challenge to navigate your way to it. That though, is precisely why we must identify it and chase it, even when it is a prickly and hard road. When I run, it doesn’t start as a delight, it begins as a painstaking and mundane task. Yet I keep running. I understand that I might hate it right now, but in 30 minutes there will be a cataclysmic current of delight waiting to take me away. As our athletic director JT says “The things that are best for us, are usually the hardest things to do.” I want delight in my life, I feel everybody does, which is why being deliberate is our understanding and pursuit of it is necessary. If I don’t run for more than 3 days, I feel claustrophobic, like I can’t function and everything is turning a blur. It might hurt but it truly is a sanctuary that I need to visit and get my fix. It’s what keeps me going. I often think too much, get caught up in my own thoughts in a very unproductive way. Running fixes that though. The reason I still wake up for the 5am runs, even when my shins are ringing in pain, is because delight, like most good things in life, doesn't come easy.