Self-Worth in the Age of Validation
Scrolling through Instagram one evening, I came across the rapper Lil Tjay’s post, where he flaunted his gold chains and luxury cars (liltjay, n.d.). His extravagant lifestyle, or at least the lifestyle he revealed, was on full display. Giving one of his posts a like, my finger reflexively double tapped the screen. But this initial admiration faded after I saw hundreds of his other ostentatious posts; I realized that much of his image was built around external validation – validation through followers, likes, and comments.
Today, social media is a tug-of-war between inflating one’s ego and the toll on one’s self-worth – both sides challenging authenticity. Since posts don’t reflect real life, this translates to the pressure of curating a perfect image that masks our true selves, creating an environment where true self-worth becomes tangled with external approval. Over time, this pursuit of digital validation leads to a fragile sense of identity — personal worth becomes increasingly dependent on outside recognition. We need to shift away from comparing ourselves to others’ curated images and resist posting content solely for ego boosts. Instead, we should share experiences that genuinely reflect who we are, using social media to build a positive self-image grounded in our own — not others’ — values.
Unfortunately, there is a natural tendency for us to display a curated image of who we are, leading to ego and stress. For example, Lil Tjay, in one of his posts, was seated in a Lamborghini with silver chains around his neck and a mountain of 100 dollar bills next to him (liltjay, 2023). With the thousands engaging with his activity, his ego gets greatly inflated, while he simultaneously feels pressure as he tries to maintain his public image up to the extravagant “standard” that he has set for himself. Lil Tjay has also become increasingly reliant on validation – his recent posts are much more extravagant than his older posts. In fact, for many celebrities, the success of their career is determined by validation and attention from the public (building their brand, gaining viewers, etc), worsening these ‘symptoms’ of social media. Even for ordinary people, social media “is about portraying [oneself] and [their] life as flawless:” “you finds yourself taking dozens of pictures for hours, desperate to find that one perfect one to post with a completely nonchalant caption that makes it seem like you took the photo completely by chance (Sriraman, n.d.).”
When we consume on social media we experience the opposite effect, where our sense of value as a person may sit at a detriment due to constant exposure to perfect versions of idols, who aren't actually perfect in real life. This couldn’t be more evident in the fitness industry, where fitness creators like Alex Eubank and The Liver King constantly post their near-perfect physiques under perfect conditions (perfect lighting, rare genetics – flawless muscle incisions, symmetry, and proportions, etc) (alex_eubank15, n.d.)(liverking, n.d.). People pursuing fitness who are exposed to this content will see fitness influencers and compare themselves to them, unaware of the fact that the reason these influencers are so famous in the first place is because of how incredible their physiques are. For the fitness industry, filled with insecurities like body dysmorphia, an average person comparing themselves to these “models” is a recipe for disappointment. Even worse, the specific fitness influencers I mentioned, along with many others, haven’t been transparent with followers surrounding their usage of performance enhancing drugs (steroids) which further distorts the perception of what’s achievable naturally. This lack of transparency not only perpetuates unrealistic beauty standards but also leads to frustration for individuals who feel pressured to match these images of physical perfection.
For all of social media, the constant exposure to curated, idealized versions of reality leads to a warped-sense of self-worth. With filters, staged moments, and selective posts, social media creates a sense that perfection is attainable. This ultimately leads to comparison, insecurity, and the desire to meet these unrealistically high expectations, leaving individuals feeling inadequate. In fact, Mental Health America explains that “social media negatively affects confidence, self-esteem, and body image. People may not even be aware that they are comparing themselves to others and the negative thoughts that come with it (Mental Health America, n.d.).” For teenagers, who are already naturally self-conscious and insecure, the effects of comparison are especially detrimental to self-esteem and the effects of sharing a perfect version of one's life would be especially ego-inflammatory and validation-dependent.
While social media can create a focus on external validation, it also can be used for positive connections that bring people together. I play rugby and because I enjoy keeping up with some of the great players today, I follow South African rugby player Faf De Klerk. His Instagram account is a prime example of how amazing social media can be when used right: amplifying self expression and individuality. His posts range from rugby related content like South Africa’s win in the 2023 Rugby World Cup to his famous slogan “Size doesn't matter (fafster09, n.d.).” Faf De Klerk, with his shorter stature (5 ft 8 in), uses his social media account to advertise that skill, heart, and determination are more important than size in rugby which aims to inspire confidence in individuals to overcome self-doubt. Content like what Faf De Klerk posts promotes self-acceptance and resilience by contributing to a culture where people can embrace their authentic selves without seeing their own qualities, like being shorter, as a limitation.
I see ego as a two way street. Typically, people like to refer to an “ego” as someone who thinks too highly of themselves. I think that it is also important to acknowledge its other side: a lack of self-esteem. Social media is a big catalyst to ego today and understanding this effect on society can help us gain better self-awareness; This is what it means to have a healthy self-confidence - one based on who we actually are, what we value, and what we have done as opposed to some unrealistic “standard.”
Ego is just one's sense of self, and an over-inflated or under-inflated ego can manifest itself in many ways. Most of us, being teenagers, might be familiar with the spotlight effect, where we subconsciously assume that we are at the “spotlight” of everyone's attention. It can make us feel embarrassed when we do something silly in public or, conversely, feel a sense of pride if we do something we feel proud of. When we post on social media it can become easy to attach the amount of likes/views you get to how we feel about ourselves, but it’s important to remember that people are typically focused on their own lives, existing at the center of their own spotlight. It’s important to recognize that someone liking your post doesn’t mean that they are in complete awe and not receiving likes doesn’t mean that people don’t like you; chances are that they probably just scrolled past. The two lessons we need to learn are the following: firstly, the attention you receive on social media doesn’t mean people are constantly thinking about you, as most are focused on curating their own image. Secondly, comparison is the thief of happiness so understand that content on social media likely doesn’t reflect real-life; instead stay true to accepting your authentic self. Thirdly, move away from posting for external approval and instead focus on using social media as a tool to develop a healthy self-image based on our personality, character, and values.
Ego can be destructive to someone's character, self-esteem, and actions. In an era where the spotlight effect can be overwhelming, it becomes crucial to cultivate a true sense of self that isn’t dependent on external approval. By resisting the lure of superficial validation, we can focus on building authentic self-worth, grounded in genuine experiences and connections rather than likes and follows. While challenging in the digital age, ultimately empowers us to lead more balanced and fulfilling lives, free from the distortions of ego and more connected to our true values.
References
@alex_eubank15. Instagram Profile. https://www.instagram.com/alex_eubank15/?hl=en
@fafster09. Instagram Profile. https://www.instagram.com/fafster09/?hl=en
@liltjay. Instagram Profile. https://www.instagram.com/liltjay/?hl=en
@liverking. Instagram Profile. https://www.instagram.com/liverking/?hl=en
“Social Media, Youth, and Comparison.” Mental Health America. mhanational.org/youth-tech/social-media-youth-comparison
Sriraman, Sahara. “The Pressure of Maintaining the Perfect Image.” PediMom. https://pedimom.com/pressure-maintaining-perfect-image/