My friend is struggling with some personal issues, do I involve myself?
Written by Neel B.
Recently, I've been wrestling with a challenging situation involving a close friend. This friend, someone I deeply care about, has been going through a difficult phase, grappling with personal issues that are significantly impacting their well-being. Despite the seriousness of the situation, they have not informed their parents about what they're facing. As a friend, I'm now confronted with a tough decision: should I step in and tell their parents about my friend's struggles, potentially helping them get the support they need, or should I respect their choice to keep this matter private, even if it means watching them continue down a potentially harmful path?
Dealing with the burdens that come with friendships can pose many ethical problems. Do you act in their best interest regardless of their decision? Or do you respect their individual autonomy? Seeing a close friend struggle while you stand by, powerless, can be an extremely heartbreaking feeling. But when making a decision concerning your duty as a friend and how to best deal with these problems, there are numerous different factors that come into play.
On one hand, there is the principle of personal autonomy. At its most basic level, autonomy is the idea that everyone has the capacity to self-govern, to act independently, and to have agency over their own being. In this case, the autonomy principle dictates that it is your friend’s right to choose whether they disclose this information to their parents or not. By respecting this principle, you honor your friend’s decision to handle their challenges in the way that they see fit, additionally demonstrating your faith in their ability to make the right decisions. Failing to respect an individual's autonomy can lead to unforeseen future consequences. Making the decision for them and finding a solution to their struggles can lead to your friend missing out on the opportunity to overcome their own challenges, an experience that builds independence. They become more reliant on having others solve their problems and aren’t able to develop key character traits like resilience and self-reliance. Furthermore, seeking help requires a great deal of courage; doing it for them could result in them not building up the courage to seek help in future scenarios similar to this one. However, the concept of giving individuals personal autonomy is based on the assumption that it is the best way for them to achieve their goals. If the decision your friend has made is actively harming them, another principle comes into play.
Welfare is the principle that the ultimate goal of any ethical decision should be to promote the well-being or happiness of individuals. In this scenario, involving your friend’s parents could provide them with some much-needed support, potentially ridding them of their struggles. Involving their parents could result in emotional support, access to a wider range of resources, or any other form of help that your friend might not be able to obtain by themself. This act, though intrusive, could be viewed as an act of care and concern for the well-being of your friend, potentially preventing further harm.
Finally, a layer of added complexity is the aspect of trust. Opening up to someone about the struggles in your life is an extremely vulnerable situation—you are taking down walls and putting your full faith into someone else’s ability to understand the severity of your struggle and keep it to themselves. After your friend has opened up to you and put themselves in such a vulnerable position, it is your moral responsibility not to break it. Choosing to ignore this responsibility could lead to feelings of betrayal and embarrassment.
While these layers of autonomy, welfare, and trust may seem to clash in this scenario, they can be harmonized in a solution that addresses the issue in a compassionate and respectful manner. Rather than making a decision between ignoring their personal autonomy and telling their parents, and choosing to completely ignore their struggles and let it continue impacting their well-being, you can offer them support. This can be done by having a conversation in which you express the need to seek help, from their parents, or from any external source.
That being said, it is important to tread carefully when having this conversation, so as not to make them feel attacked. You can try to start by acknowledging the trust they put in you and expressing your gratitude before highlighting the benefits of seeking external support for the struggles they are facing. Having this honest conversation can demonstrate your respect for their autonomy while still providing them with a way to help their well-being.
The ethical complexities of a friend’s struggle require respecting their autonomy, prioritizing their welfare, and acknowledging the trust they placed in you. Open and honest communication can allow you to navigate these complexities while caring for the well-being of your close friend.
